It seems to me that lately there have been a lot of online “battles” going on between different internet marketers. Usually, one marketer will call the other one out in a public forum (via blog post, forum thread, newsletter, Twitter, etc.) and the saga begins.
I normally try to ignore those things, although sometimes they become really entertaining.
However, in the majority of those cases, I lose respect for one or sometimes both of the people involved (and sometimes more if other people jump in). There’s a time and a place for things like that, but they’re never usually dealt with at that right time or place. This leaves me to believe that it’s a ploy to increase their “fame”, increase numbers (followers, readers, customers, etc.) or maybe it’s all for their own amusement. I don’t know.
I don’t play those games so I have no idea why those things transpire. It’s one thing to defend yourself when someone is saying things about you that just aren’t true, or making people aware of scammers. It’s another thing however to publicly criticize/bash/humiliate someone because of their opinion, the way they market their products (even if they’re completely legit), or how they write.
My whole point is this.
In the past few months, I’ve realized there are A LOT of marketers that I will never purchase from and I will never read anything they ever write – simply because of the way they dealt with those situations. How they act in those situations tells me what kind of person they really are. That is my opinion anyway.
I don’t care if you know the #1 secret to making money online. I don’t want to be associated with you in any way if you’re a douchebag. I’d rather buy something or learn something from someone who knows how to treat others the way they like to be treated. Just because you may hide behind your computer screen doesn’t give you the right to act like a total knob.
In addition to losing the respect of many marketers in the past few months, I’ve also made some really great contacts (especially through Twitter). These contacts are friendly, helpful, and genuine. I’m sure if they continue that they’ll go much farther than…some other people we know.
What can you take away from this? It’s simple. Be nice! If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. However, if something really needs to be said, especially if it can turn into a learning experience, then address it tactfully. There’s no need for finger pointing and tattling. It may feel good while you name names, but some sort of backlash is inevitably going to follow.
I have a lot more to say on the issue but I don’t want to sound mega hypocritical! This is a touchy subject and one that needs to be approached carefully in a lot of cases. I just hate when people feel the need to be so hurtful and rude with their comments towards other people.
UPDATE: John Reese wrote a great post here. One of the reasons that inspired me to write this post this morning is because of what he talks about in his post. Now there’s a prime example of how things should be dealt with when circumstances require it. John was attacked, and he responded. It’s an important read, so check it out. He makes his point much more eloquently than I ever could.
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4 comments ↓
A woman friend of mine wrote a book about how men and women deal differently with conflict.
Girls are taught to “be nice” “play nice” even with girls they despise, because that’s what nice girls do.
The primary game they play is “house” where conflict is subordinated to peace.
Boys play games where we slam into each other – compete fiercely – win or lose – and then we go to dairy queen for ice cream and “hug it out.”
Her conclusion was that as adults women stifle their anger causing resentment – while men tease each other – and are often very aggressive and critical and then – we have a beer.
So, perhaps, Ross Goldberg, who banged into me by critisizing my blog post on his blog, and me taking it to the next level with a ribbing video, are not unnamed douchebags – or knobs (who’s passive aggressive now? LOL)
But, maybe we rowdy little boys all grown up (well, partially) and when we see each other on the playground we’ll laugh about it.
But, you’ve judged us as bad people whom, even if we had the best source of wealth ever (which we don’t) you won’t listen to us because we knocked each other down on the playground.
Submitted for your consideration and for the WAHM’s who read it in love,
Rick Butts
I completely agree about the difference between men and women and how we handle conflict. When boys fought in school, they would shake hands and make up right away. If girls fought, they hated each other for the rest of eternity. No excuses.
And yes, I’m horribly passive aggressive sometimes.
I’m on these damn pain meds and they make me really cranky sometimes
As for judging people and saying they’re bad…that’s wrong of me to do so. I should take my own advice and not call names like dbag and knob. I wasn’t thinking of that one particular blog post incident this morning either but a variety of circumstances that have transpired in recent weeks and months.
The ones that I haven’t mentioned were downright nasty and the people involved were completely out of line. To me, that says that they really aren’t that nice of a person.
What’s that anecdote about people who aren’t nice to waiters aren’t really nice people at all? I can’t remember how it goes, but I’m betting that some of the people I’m thinking of are the types of people who aren’t nice to waiters.
Awwww…
I know you are a good mom and a good coder and a clever (and stressed out) wahm.
Nearly 2 years ago I had back surgery and was strung out on Vicodin for several months – as many as 14 a day (extra strength no less).
When I look back on that time I was so cranky and irritable – I pushed everyone away from me – every one who cared – and destroyed anyone who crossed me verbally.
Nice Rick Butts? (I’m SUCH a sweet guy in reality!)
I sent some dreadfully mean emails during that time, one’s I’d like to have back.
Know this: what you said in your blog is not mean at all and in the same way I comment on the parade (the stuff passing in front of me) it just reflected the way we all see mean people and junk.
Blessings to you – and take care of yourself. And, if I may ever be of any assistance to you – please don’t hesitate to let me know?
Rick Butts
http://rickbutts.com
Well everyone makes mistakes. I’ve certainly made more than my fair share of them. The important thing though is to learn from them. I hope the douchebags I’m referring to learn as well
I can tell you’re one of the nice ones Rick. You have gone far and you will continue to go further.
Thank you!
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